The Nurtured Heart Approach: Transforming Relationships

The Nurtured Heart Approach (NHA) is a relationship-focused methodology developed by Howard Glasser in the 1990s. It is designed to help children and adults alike to flourish by channeling their intensity in positive ways.

This approach is particularly renowned for its success with children displaying challenging behaviors, including those with diagnoses such as ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). However, its principles can be applied to all relationships, whether in family dynamics, schools, or even the workplace.

Core Principles of the Nurtured Heart Approach

The approach is built on three main pillars:

• Absolutely No: Refusing to energize negative behavior.
• Absolutely Yes: Relentlessly energizing positive behavior.
• Absolute Clarity: Being clear about rules and expectations.

These pillars work together to help individuals recognize their worth and the positive behaviors that they exhibit, without giving energy to negative or destructive behaviors.

Nurtured Heart Approach Examples

Let’s look at some examples of how NHA might work in practice:

• A child throws a tantrum to seek attention. Instead of scolding, the parent ignores the negative behavior (Absolutely No) and waits until the child calms down. Once the child is calm, the parent acknowledges the effort it took to regain composure (Absolutely Yes).
• In a classroom, a teacher sets clear rules for behavior during a lesson (Absolute Clarity). When a student who often disrupts the class participates constructively, the teacher highlights this positive contribution (Absolutely Yes).

These examples show how the NHA shifts the focus from negative to positive behaviors, establishing a nurturing environment for growth and development.

The Pros and Cons of the Nurtured Heart Approach

As with any methodology, the Nurtured Heart Approach has its proponents and critics. Here are some pros and cons:

Pros of the Nurtured Heart Approach

• Emphasizes Positive Behavior: By energizing positive behavior, NHA promotes a positive self-image and encourages continued positive actions.
• Reduces Negative Attention: By not giving energy to negative behavior, children learn that acting out is not a successful strategy for gaining attention.
• Clear Boundaries: NHA’s emphasis on absolute clarity helps children understand expectations and the consequences of their actions.

Cons of the Nurtured Heart Approach

• Implementation Challenges: Consistently applying the principles of NHA can be challenging for parents and teachers, especially in the heat of the moment.
• Misinterpretation: Some critics argue that not giving energy to negative behaviors might be perceived by some children as ignoring them, which could lead to feelings of neglect.
• One-size-fits-all: Critics also point out that the approach might not suit every child, particularly those who may need more nuanced interventions.

Nurtured Heart Approach Handouts and Resources

To aid in the understanding and implementation of the Nurtured Heart Approach, a variety of handouts and resources are available to parents, educators, and therapists. These typically include:

• Worksheets to help track progress and focus on positive behaviors.
• Guides outlining steps for consistent application of the approach.
• Checklists to ensure that all principles are being followed.

These handouts serve as practical tools to support individuals in applying NHA principles in a structured way.

Nurtured Heart Approach Consequences

Consequences in NHA are not about punishment, but about maintaining absolute clarity. Consequences are natural and logical responses to behavior that help maintain the integrity of the rules. For instance, if a child breaks a toy during a tantrum, the natural consequence is that the toy is no longer available to play with. It’s important that consequences are not used as threats but are explained ahead of time and followed through with consistency.

Addressing the Critics of the Nurtured Heart Approach

Critics of NHA often point to potential downsides, such as the need for rigorous consistency and the risk of children feeling ignored. To address these concerns, proponents of NHA emphasize the importance of training and support for parents and educators in implementing the approach. They also underline the distinction between ignoring a child and ignoring the negative behavior, which can be clarified through open communication and reinforcing the child’s value during calm moments.

Case Studies and Success Stories

Real-world applications of the Nurtured Heart Approach often provide compelling evidence of its effectiveness. Case studies in schools show reductions in disciplinary incidents and improvements in classroom environments. Success stories from families often highlight significant behavioral turnarounds and strengthened relationships.

For instance, a school in Newark, NJ, reported a 45% drop in suspensions after implementing NHA, while many parents share testimonials of deeper connections with their children and newfound peace at home.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the Nurtured Heart Approach?

The Nurtured Heart Approach is a method of parenting and education that focuses on building positive behaviors by energizing success and not giving energy to negative behaviors. It’s about recognizing and celebrating a child’s successes and helping them build a positive self-image.

Who created the Nurtured Heart Approach?

The Nurtured Heart Approach was developed by Howard Glasser in the 1990s. He is a therapist who created the approach to help children with intense behaviors, including those diagnosed with ADHD.

Can the Nurtured Heart Approach be used with all children?

Yes, while it was originally developed for children with challenging behaviors, the Nurtured Heart Approach can be beneficial for all children. It can help any child feel valued and empowered and can strengthen the parent-child relationship.

How does the Nurtured Heart Approach work?

This approach works by focusing on three main strategies: absolutely no energizing negative behavior, relentlessly energizing positive behavior, and creating clear rules and consequences. Parents and educators are encouraged to ‘catch’ children doing good and make a big deal out of it, rather than giving lots of attention to bad behavior.

Is the Nurtured Heart Approach just for parents?

No, the approach can be used by anyone who interacts with children, including teachers, counselors, and other caregivers. It’s adaptable to various environments, not just the home.

What are some key techniques of the Nurtured Heart Approach?

Some key techniques include using positive recognition to acknowledge good behavior, setting clear expectations, giving consequences calmly and without emotion, and using ‘time-in’ instead of ‘time-out’ to engage children in reflecting on their actions.

How do I avoid giving energy to negative behaviors?

You avoid giving energy to negative behaviors by not reacting emotionally to them. This doesn’t mean ignoring the behavior, but instead addressing it calmly, applying consequences as necessary, and redirecting attention towards positive behaviors.

What if the Nurtured Heart Approach doesn’t seem to be working?

If it seems like the approach isn’t working, it’s important to stay consistent and patient. Behavior change takes time. Also, consider reaching out to a professional trained in the Nurtured Heart Approach for additional support and guidance.

How can I learn the Nurtured Heart Approach?

You can learn the approach through books, workshops, online courses, or by contacting a certified Nurtured Heart Approach trainer. There are many resources available to help parents and educators get started.

Can the Nurtured Heart Approach help with my child’s self-esteem?

Yes, one of the goals of the Nurtured Heart Approach is to build a child’s self-esteem. By focusing on their successes and strengths, children are more likely to develop a positive self-image and confidence in their abilities.

Conclusion: Nurturing Hearts and Minds for Positive Change

The Nurtured Heart Approach offers a compassionate and empowering way to build stronger relationships and encourage positive behavior. While there are both pros and cons to the methodology, its focus on energizing the positive and providing clear guidance is seen by many as a transformative strategy for dealing with challenging behaviors.

As with any approach, the key to success lies in understanding, commitment, and consistency. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver, incorporating the principles of the Nurtured Heart Approach can create an environment where both children and adults feel valued, recognized, and inspired to be their best selves.

Originally posted 2023-02-10 17:30:09.